College Degree
You want admission in Handsome Professional University. But you haven't given any entrance examination. How much will you have to pay?
Which degree do you want?
  1. BTech/BE/MBBS/MD/LLB
  2. PhD/MSc/Mtech
  3. BA/BSc
  4. BCom/BBA/CA/MBA
Your dowry's going to be in crores after this degree! Seriously? Does ANYONE go for that degree these days? Why would you want to study that? So you like money? That's something we have in common }:).
Beta you have not ticked the sex option in your form!
  1. Male
  2. Female
  3. Unsure
The man of the family, is it? I guess a lot depends on you getting this degree More girls in my college! very good! Err.. Because I believe in the Saakshar Bharat Mission. Oh, we actually have a 4-day working week, Friday's off :).
How old are you?
  1. 17-25 (Young and healthy)
  2. 25-45 (You know how they say 40 is the new 20)
  3. 45-65 (You know how they say 60 is the new 20)
  4. 65+ (You know how they say 80 is the new 20)
  5. 0-17 (My parents did sex planning to make me a genius)
Great, I always feel a sound education is just the way to begin life Where were you when your classmates were in college? You're old! But I guess I could use some company around here. We have a strict no-denture policy here aunty/uncle-ji! Wow, you must be really smart to want to join college at such a young age.
Now for your school marks. Not that it is of any consequence, but what were your 12th standard marks?
  1. 95%. I topped my school :D
  2. 35%. Passed it in my third attempt :)
  3. 70%. Competition these days is very tough
  4. Report card is confidential. You can just call me a wild card entry :)
  5. Panchvi Pass
Wah, we are very proud to have achievers in our school I'll tell you a secret� Same here ;) Hmm. Aajkal to 70% mein kuch nahi hota� If you don't have report card, then, umm.. Do you have a replacement? Shouldn't you be going to school first?
So, do you have any criminal record?
  1. Murder
  2. Making prank calls to school principal
  3. Studied all my life, only to get 40% in 12th :(.
  4. (Hic) Is coming drunk to this interview a crime?
  5. My parents are like Robin Hood. They stole from the poor and gave to me.
Oh! I didn't offer you anything? Will you have tea or coffee? Very naughty? Were the phone calls that way too? That is why in our college, studying too much is strictly prohibited. It would have been, if I hadn't been drunk too ;). That is no crime. That is actually a good thing. For me :)
What does your father do?
  1. IAS Officer
  2. Education Minister
  3. Teacher in this college
  4. Paanwala
  5. Bus Driver
Did I offer you tea or coffee? How is your daddy these days? Consider your admission final! Tab to ghar hi aa rahe ho beta! Then he must be counting on you for this degree? How sad. It is always good to have connections...
One small question though� I am very fond of Mithai. What can you offer me?
  1. Son Papdi
  2. Ras Malai
  3. Mango Icecream
  4. Kaju Barfi
  5. My Soul
Tasty! I am lactose intolerant.*fart* I have cold! Ahchoo! Are you trying to give me diabetes? I like your dedication.
We offer various discounts to students. Are you eligible for any of these?
  1. Same hometown as principal discount
  2. 2 siblings for 1 "donation" discount
  3. Famous parents(actor/cricketer ONLY) discount
  4. I can kill you discount
  5. I will give free tickets to IPL in Wankhede Discount
  6. Discount in my daddy's store
  7. No, not eligible. :(
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst A. C.: Congratulations!! The final amount you have to pay the principal of Handsome University is Rs. Lakhs. The reasons for your success are many: your degree expectations are low and you are influential. Keep it up, and you will be able to get off paying a low bribe even to pass your exams in college.
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst A. C.: The final amount you have to pay the principal of Handsome University is Rs. Lakhs. You can feel happy about two things: most people paid much more than you, and you have just financed part of the wedding reception of the uglier daughter of the principal.
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst A. C.: The final amount you have to pay the principal of Handsome University is Rs. Lakhs. This amount is on the higher side; you have only yourself to blame for being forthright with the principal. But he thinks well of you; his holiday to the Caribbean this year has been sponsored solely by you.
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst A. C.: The final amount you have to pay the principal of Handsome University is Rs. Lakhs. This is one of the highest bribes that have been paid this year. You told the principal everything about how rich you were, and you didn't even get a good discount. If you're interested, we have an online 2 hour course in mathematics which costs 3 lakh only - please sign up!
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst A. C.: The final amount you have to pay the principal of Handsome University is Rs. Lakhs. You are in absolutely the top bracket as far as bribes go. You want to do the 'best' possible degrees with the worst possible qualifications and the richest possible family. There's a lot of people in Tihar Jail that wished they had met you earlier.