Cricket Fixxxer
You are a bookie. A cricketer has come to help you fix a match. How much should you offer him?
Answer each question with the one option you think you would take in real life. At the end, our bribery expert panel (which operates out of Tihar Jail) will calculate the bribe.
Which country are you from?
  1. Pakistan
  2. Any other country
Oh, 10 of your teammates were just here. Hmm, interesting.
Why do you want to fix the match?
  1. My captain is getting too successful; I don't want the fame to go to his head
  2. I want to be dropped from the team so that I can go play IPL
  3. I'm bored
  4. Because the income tax in my country is too high and I do not get ad sponsorships either
  5. I don't want to fix the match
Good! Yes, I like the cheerleaders. So am I. Good! Hmm.
Which of these cricketers are you most like?
  1. Sachin Tendulkar
  2. Ajay Jadeja
  3. Yuvraj Singh
  4. Ajit Agarkar
  5. Ravindra Jadeja
Oh, so you can change the game single-handed. Hmm. You should be willing, hopefully. You can do a lot of damage in the middle order. Will you get picked for the team in the first place? I thought you were match fixing even when you played normally...
Which of these describes your moral standard accurately?
  1. Nobody ever takes a cut from my bribe
  2. Only India TV is capable of analyzing the fact that Baba Bhoot-naath's black magic is the prime reason for my consistent performance
  3. Azhar bhai is innocent, Ganguly double crossed him
  4. Kim Jong ll should be made the captain of my cricket team
  5. The Match Fee should be in line with the Cheer-leader Fee so that we don't have to pay from our pockets in the post match parties. Siddharth Mallya never does. Deepika Padukone is FREE!
You must be big... India TV? My favourite channel Yeah sure Does your mental hospital let you roam around freely? Sorry, I dozed off for a minute
What are your career aspirations?
  1. I want lots of money
  2. I want lots of women!
  3. I want lots of respect
  4. All of the above
  5. I want to enter politics
I wish I had lots of money to give you! So do I, my friend Great! You're doing just the right thing to increase respect for you Bas? Anything else? Sincere condolences
What is your skillset?
  1. I can be absent for a critical match
  2. I have many friends in the opposite team
  3. I will never grow old - I can do this for you for ever (guess which team I am from :P)
  4. I change my mobile number every week
  5. I drive the team bus
  6. I run for Sachin when he has leg problems
  7. I am the 12th man; I can introduce laxatives into the drinks for the drinks break
  8. I am the illegitimate son of the third umpire in the match tomorrow
Nice! I'm sure you'll get even more after this Good! Hmm, then you will fall under discounted rate Tell me, have you ever had an accident? Cool! I mean, you must be proud of your dad You're the man! Let's go to the chemist shop right now
Do you know anyone else in your team who will be interested in match fixing?
  1. No, I'm the only bad apple in the basket
  2. I think there's this other guy, I'll give you his mobile number, you'll have to text him
  3. Yeah!! I thought you'd never ask. I get a percentage for each new person i recruit, right?
  4. I told you I was in the Pakistan team
Hmm, OK Awesome! Definitely Hmm, they've already contacted me
Which of these comments do you think you will say to the press when you get caught?
  1. Yeah, Raju the bookie called me and asked me to fix the match (via an online app). His number is so-and-so and he lives here. If you want the police to arrest him tell them to go there between 11 and 12 in the morning
  2. Do you publish books where guilty people tell all? Or do you have a contact?
  3. It was Osama's dying wish that I fix the match
  4. Yes, I did it. I am willing to accept any punishment
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst M. A. and A. J., with hellish inputs from H. C.: Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst M. A. and A. J., with hellish inputs from H. C.: Congratulations!! The final amount you have to pay the cricketer is Rs. lakh. You are both lucky and unlucky. Either your cricketer is from Pakistan, where there is an oversupply of customers for you, or is just not influential. You might still need to buy another player.
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst M. A. and A. J., with hellish inputs from H. C.: Congratulations!! The final amount you have to pay the cricketer is Rs. lakh. This is a great investment. You have just ensured that one team will be playing with 12 players tomorrow, and the other with 10. You should keep the relationship with this player going; he can help you fix every match he ever plays for the team. Good luck!
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst M. A. and A. J., with hellish inputs from H. C.: The final amount you have to pay the cricketer is Rs. lakh. You might have to sell your house, parents and wife to pay this bribe, but you might just break even, given the player's ability to do evil. Just make sure you convince a LOT of people to bet against the opposition team, otherwise it's curtains for you.
Your score, brought to you by bribe analyst M. A. and A. J., with hellish inputs from H. C.: The final amount you have to pay the cricketer is Rs. lakh. You have just helped the cricketer answer 2 questions: Kaun Banega Crorepati and Sawaal Dus Karod ka.